How to Talk to your Muslim Child about Sex by Firoza Osman

Author:Firoza Osman [Osman, Firoza]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-10-27T07:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 3

HOW AND WHEN TO TALK ABOUT SEX

As Muslims, we need to gain knowledge. As the Quran says, ‘My Lord! Enrich me with knowledge’ (20:114). Parenting should be instinctual, but it has become necessary to learn how to parent children raised in a digital world. Parenting is a lot more than just finding your child a good school and Qur’an class, making them healthy food, ensuring they get fresh air and exercise daily, and a nightly bedtime story. The context of the world our children are growing up in now requires conscious and intentional parenting. It is a lot easier to build up a good view of Islamic sexuality with young children than trying to piece together the broken ideals of a teen. You must teach your child to know and love their body enough to respect its value.

Islamic scholars and Imams advise us to talk to our children about sex and sexuality, but they don't tell us how to speak to them. This chapter is going to help you with that. Firstly, we have to change our mindset on talking about sex. We have to remind ourselves that this is something good from our Creator. We are explaining something natural and normal. You are not taking away your child’s innocence, not talking to them will. You will feel uncomfortable—and that is okay—but if you start when you children are young, you will begin to create dialogue with them, and these conversations will get easier. Words such as erection, ejaculation, orgasm can be hard to say but these are normal and amazing functions that Allah has designed for a purpose. Consistent mini talks instead of long lectures should begin when children are young, in order to normalize talking about sex. Over time, the awkwardness will decrease. These conversations need to be revisited regularly which opens the door to further discussion. As you continuously build on previous information, your children are processing your values. One talk isn’t enough to counteract all the many incorrect messages our children are getting from other sources.

Remember that no two children are alike. Some remain entirely innocent for a longer time and will be satisfied with just a bit of information, whereas other children will require a full explanation. If you need to say, ‘I will tell you when I think you can understand it better,’ then make sure you follow through with that. If your child is not satisfied with that response and wants an answer, then give them an answer. Do not brush them off. You don't want them to be left feeling as though it's not okay to talk about this subject. We are responding to the changing context of a world where according to the RCMP, 8-year-olds are sending nudes41 peer on peer sexual assaults are happening in primary schools42 and porn is being accessed by 11-year-olds.

The most important thing to remember is that we are meant to be preparing our children for a loving marital healthy relationship, which has Allah's barakah in it.

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